This Week's Haul, March 12: Beware the siren song of False Spring

And: ROUND TWO of the March Madness of Maine Characters!

This photo, taken on March 10, 1977, depicted Bangor’s hottest March 10 on record for nearly 50 years, until that record was broken this week with Tuesday’s 70+ degree highs. Photo courtesy Bangor Daily News archives at the Bangor Public Library. Can also be seen in my book, “Downtown, Up River: Bangor in the 1970s” !

Good morning from eastern Maine, where alas, many of us this week fell victim to nature’s cruelest joke; the fleeting beauty and then crushing heartbreak of that earliest herald of warmer weather: False Spring. Tuesday was glorious - Bangor smashed a nearly 50-year high temp record. If people ran outdoors naked I wouldn’t blame them a bit. We then immediately plunged back into more seasonable temps and the dreariest gray and brown imaginable. At least I’ve got the next round of March Madness of Maine Characters to look forward to. The full list of matchups is at the bottom of this post!

• So, look, all my feelings on football and beauty pageants and very young women dating/marrying very old and rich men aside, I am going to go ahead and say that the dress that Mainer Jordon Hudson (Bill Belichick’s girlfriend ICYMI) wore to this year’s Maine Fisherman’s Forum is 100 percent iconic. Hudson said the dress was a collab between designer Runa Raay, sustainability organization Rozalia Project, and used 36 pounds of fishing rope recovered off Port Clyde. I love it.

• “On the upside, we’re no longer considered blighted.” It’s the little things, Bangor. It’s the little things. You know: like Arby’s coming back.

• Also coming back (I assume): Sanjeeva’s hot sauce, a longtime favorite of ours from Serendib, the Sri Lankan-Indian restaurant in Ellsworth that we loved and which closed in December. Owners Sanjeena and Menemsha are instead buying the old State Street Grocery and bringing much of their delicious food there instead, for takeout and grab and go! I’m thrilled. That hot sauce rules.

• Just a reminder here that the human remains and the 532 objects that the University of Maine will be returning to the Wabanaki tribes that they belong to only scratches the surface of the other artifacts currently possessed by various institutions that are owed to Indigenous peoples all over the country and the world. Anti-colonialism starts at home!

• This is a beautiful, heartbreaking piece of journalism. I grew up in this part of Waldo County, and all throughout my childhood and teenage years I absolutely knew kids and families like the one in this story, where cycles of abuse and poverty shape every aspect of their lives. I also know many, many amazing Maine women, who burn so bright you feel it even when you’re not in their physical presence. It all hurts different but related parts of your heart.

• Nobody asked, but here are my predictions for who I think will win, and who I think should win the top awards at the Oscars this weekend. BEST ACTOR Will win: Timmy Tim Chevrolet / Should win: Michael B. Jordan or Ethan Hawke. BEST ACTRESS Will win: Jessie Buckley / Should win: Rose Byrne. BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Will win: Stellan Skarsgard / Should win: Stellan Skarsgard or Delroy Lindo. BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS Will win: Amy Madigan / Should win: Amy Madigan. BEST DIRECTOR Will win: Paul Thomas Anderson / Should win: 100 percent toss up between PTA and Ryan Coogler. BEST PICTURE Will win: “One Battle After Another” / Should win: OBAA, or “Sinners.”

These sorts of economic rankings among towns and regions in Maine are still pretty common fodder for news outlets, and certainly provoke plenty of discussion as to the whys and hows that one place is doing better than another. But in this ranking published 40 years ago in 1986, there are some pretty start changes - namely the dramatic change in the fortunes of the Millinocket region and, for that matter, all the towns in this list that were once home to thriving millworking communities. Towns like Ashland, Rumford and Lincoln look very different these days than they did in 1986, while cities like Belfast and Brunswick have risen dramatically in rankings like this.

Music & Dance

March 13: Vanity Crisis, Darth Brandon, Isaac Raven and Widow’s Club, 8 p.m., Red Rabbit Bazaar, Bangor

March 14: Dylan Scott and 12/OC, 7 p.m., Cross Insurance Center, Bangor

March 14: Candy Striper Death Orgy, Psycho, Earthwyrm and Wormhole, 7 p.m., The Old Town Theatre, Old Town

March 14: Loose Cannon Jug Band, 6:30 p.m., Emlen Hall at The Bay School, Blue Hill

March 14: The Kenya Hall Band, 7 p.m., The Underground Lounge, Belfast

March 15: Bailey’s Mistake, Celtic folk band, 5 p.m., Hey Sailor, Searsport

March 15: A Far Cry, string ensemble, 3 p.m., Collins Center for the Arts, University of Maine, Orono

March 15: St. Patrick’s Day celebration with The Oystermen, 5 p.m., Marshall Wharf Brewing Company, Belfast

March 17: St. Patrick’s Day celebration, full day of music starting at 6 a.m., Paddy Murphy’s Bangor

March 17: St. Patrick’s Day celebration with The Shitty Rolling Stones, 11 a.m.-all day, Black Moon Public House, Ellsworth

March 17: St. Patrick’s Day celebration with Solas, 7 p.m., Collins Center for the Arts, University of Maine, Orono

Theatre & Comedy

March 13: Grand Kyiv Ballet presents “Giselle,” 7 p.m., Collins Center for the Arts, University of Maine, Orono

March 13-15: Gilbert & Sullivan Society of Maine presents “Princess Ida,” Grand Theatre, Ellsworth

March 13-15: New Surry Theatre presents “The Roommate,” daily at Blue Hill Town Hall, Blue Hill

March 14: Midcoast Shakespeare Studio presents “(Lady) Macbeth,” staged reading, 6 p.m., Waterfall Arts, Belfast

March 16: “Stomp,” 30th anniversary tour, 8 p.m., Cross Insurance Center, Bangor

Art, Books, Film & Culture

March 12: “Picasso and Braque Go to the Movies,” documentary screening and discussion, 6 p.m., Blue Hill Public Library, Blue Hill

March 14: Collaborative Community Art Project: Paint a square for our American flag mural, 2 p.m., Bangor Public Library, Bangor

March 17: “Green Cemeteries, Home Funerals and Much More,” talk by Chuck Lakin, 2 p.m., Bangor Public Library, Bangor

March 17: Belfast Garden Club presents “Maine’s Changing Climate: Historical Trends & Future Projections,” talk by Maine state climatologist Sean Birkel, noon, Belfast Free Library, Belfast

March 17: Opera House Arts Film Club screens “Casablanca,” 6 p.m. Stonington Opera House, Stonington

March 18: SCORE Northern Maine presents “Trademark and Patent Basics for Business Owners,” noon, Bangor Public Library, Bangor

March 18: “A Peace of Forest,” documentary screening, 7 p.m., Blue Hill Public Library, Blue Hill

Fairs, Festivals, Markets, Outdoors & Misc.

March 14: Pop-up children’s museum, 10 a.m.- 4 p.m., Penobscot Marine Museum, Searsport

March 14: Educational Sugarhouse and Sugarbush tours, 12-3 p.m. MOFGA HQ, Unity; register here.

March 14: “Pirate’s Plight,” murder mystery dinner, 5 p.m., Old Town-Orono YMCA, Old Town

March 14: Bangor Symphony Orchestra’s annual Symphony Soiree fundraiser, 6 p.m., Cross Insurance Center, Bangor

Time for our first update on the March Madness of Maine Characters bracket! I was genuinely surprised by some of the votes for this first round - and how close so many of them were! Last night I tallied up all our responses - thanks to everyone that took the time to fill out a bracket! - and counted each pick for the first round of matchups. The competitor with the most picks in each matchup will advance to the second round.

Please meet your Sweet Sixteen matchups in the first ever and possibly never again March Madness of Maine Characters! Want to vote in this round? Leave a comment here, message me on Substack, or email me at emilyburnham207 (at) gmail dot com.

Joe Bornstein vs. Bananas T. Bear

Which will it be? The beloved UMaine mascot who does funny dances and was also once (I cannot stress this enough) an actual live bear? Or the Portland lawyer who got you over $500,000 after your accident? Side note: someone asked me if it was the actual Joe Bornstein, the real lawyer who died years ago, or Joe Bornstein as portrayed by (equally dead) actor Robert Vaughn in countless TV commercials. My answer: yes.

Cassie the Sea Monster vs. Joey Gamache

Who knew there were so many fans of the Lewiston boxer that he’d defeat Ricky Craven? Joey will take on Cassie the Sea Monster. Will this take place on land or sea? Not sure. This does not seem like a fair fight, but I believe in them both.

Red October vs. Dick Curless

There is only one way Red October - a Soviet nuclear submarine abandoned in the Penobscot River - can be bested. And that’s through the power of song. Thankfully, Dick Curless is up to the task.

Pennywise vs. Joshua Chamberlain

Now this is an iconic matchup. If anybody has the sheer courage to take on a malevolent interdimensional being, it’s Joshua Chamberlain. BAYONETS, people. You’ll float too - but the 20th Maine will pop your balloons.

Marden’s Lady vs. Moxie Man

Sorry, Bert, and sorry Al: Readers picked two brand mascots to face each other in the next round. What’s it gonna be? A great deal from a surplus and salvage store? Or a soda that tastes like root beer with nickels in it?

Andre the Seal vs. Paul Bunyan

I’m sorry to say that Babe the Blue Ox got exactly zero votes in this matchup. Sorry, Babe - you’re always playing second fiddle to Paul. And while Slugger the Sea Dog did better, he still lost out to Andre the Seal. Can Andre take on Paul Bunyan? I’m rooting for the lil guy!

Carrie White vs. Charlotte the Spider

My hope in this matchup is that Charlotte’s sweet nature will disarm Carrie to the point that she’ll decide that maybe she doesn’t need to murder everyone with her mind. Having your name written in a spider web might go a long way to boosting Carrie’s self-esteem!

Gage Creed vs. A Lobster

Don’t let this matchup fool you: a little pinch pinch pinch is a much more deadly tool than you might expect.