This Week's Haul, April 2: Joshua and Charlotte in the final face-off

And: Creative options for the Bangor Mall

Good morning from eastern Maine, where this week, I went to see “Project Hail Mary” and emerged completely obsessed with Rocky, the genius scientist alien who becomes Ryan Gosling’s best friend in the movie. The movie itself is delightful, but I love everything about Rocky - the character itself, the species he is and how he evolved, the incredible puppetry that brought him to life and the puppeteer that did it. Great flick. I love hard sci-fi that’s also fun. I love practical effects. Gotta read the book now. Amaze amaze amaze.

• JWoww from “Jersey Shore” won her lawsuit in Bangor federal court this week over the $1 million camp she built with her ex-husband on Round Pond in Steuben. The tea on the trial is fun to read.

• Between Janet Mills’ unpleasant and devoid of context Graham Platner attack ads and Susan Collins’ inane crowing about her “track record” (whatever that means), I am going to shell out the money for YouTube Premium so I don’t have to see any more of these stupid, stupid ads when I am just trying to watch my silly internet programs. I hate this nasty mudslinging shit.

• Rasa Indian Cuisine at 175 Exchange St. in downtown Bangor will hold its grand opening on April 6! It’s owned by the same folks that own Taj in South Portland, and that place rules, so this is excellent news.

• Somebody bought the Bangor Mall! Both the original mall structure, and the addition that currently houses a furniture store. Is it the same person that bought both buildings so they can have a matching pair? When will we find out who bought it? WHO BOUGHT IT? And more importantly: WHAT WILL THEY DO WITH IT??

40 YEARS AGO Did you know that in addition to the traditional Kenduskeag Stream Canoe Race - the 59th edition of which is set for April 18 this year - Bangor has at various times also hosted a Kenduskeag Stream Slalom? The much more technical race, in which canoeists maneuvered through a series of gates along the stream, was usually held a few weeks earlier to take advantage of the even higher water levels and wilder rapids. The first slalom event was held in 1969, and has been held on and off for years, though not since 2022.

A shoutout to the newly-formed Wild Blueberry Collective, a group of local volunteers - all women! - hoping to purchase 158 acres of blueberry barrens in my hometown of Searsport, with an eye toward preserving the land for public access. The group is hosting an Earth Day fundraiser raffle and yard sale at the UU Church in Belfast on April 22. Check them out on Instagram, and chuck them some money if you have some laying around to help them reach their goal!

Music & Dance

April 2: Elsie Gawler and Ethan Stokes Tischler, 7 p.m., The Underground Lounge, Belfast

April 3: Ellsworth Community Music Institute presents the Downeast New Music trio, 1 p.m., Moore Community Theater, Ellsworth

April 3: Sunburned Sharks, 5 p.m, Memorial Union, University of Maine, Orono

April 4: Alumni Jazz Band swing dance, 7:30 p.m., Next Generation Theatre, Brewer

April 4: Hymn for Her, 6 p.m., Hey Sailor, Searsport

April 4: Waterbound Ensemble, 7 p.m., First Congregational Church, Blue Hill; donations benefit Dolly Fisher Emergency Fund

April 7: Fiddler’s Jam, 5 p.m., Marshall Wharf Brewing Company, Belfast

April 8: Bagaduce Music presents Balfolk dance and music workshop and performance, 5 p.m., 49 South St., Blue Hill

April 8: Windham Chamber Singers, 7 p.m., Hammond Street Congregational Church, Bangor

Theater & Comedy

April 2-5: Grand Players present “Little Women: The Musical,” daily at the Grand Theatre, Ellsworth

April 3-5: Maine Masque presents “The Glass Menagerie,” daily at Hauck Auditorium, University of Maine, Orono

April 3: Comedy night with Ian Stuart, Adam Hatch and Christian McCue, 6 p.m., The Old Town Theatre, Old Town

April 8: Intro to Stand-up Comedy with working comics Adam Hatch and Ian Stuart, six week course every Wednesday, Hollywood Casino, Bangor; register here

Art, Books, Film & Culture

April 2: 2026 William Cohen Lecture feat. former Ambassador to China Nicholas Burns, 2 p.m., Collins Center for the Arts, University of Maine, Orono

April 3: “Is a Universal Basic Income Good for Workers?” talk by Prof. Michael Howard, 3 p.m., Chadbourne Hall, University of Maine, Orono

April 3-5: “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” daily, Criterion Theatre, Bar Harbor

April 6: Poetry reading by Martha Duncan, 1 p.m., Blue Hill Public Library, Blue Hill

April 6-7: Waldo Reads Together book discussion of “Call Me America” by Abdi Nor Iftin, 3 p.m. Monday and 6:30 p.m. Tuesday, Belfast Free Library, Belfast

April 7: “How Healthy Are We?” talk by Dr. Puthiery Ja, director of the Maine CDC, noon, Dyke Business Center, Husson University, Bangor

April 7: Opera House Arts Film Club screens “Annie Hall,” 6 p.m., Stonington Opera House, Stonington

April 7: “Captain Albert Stephens: His Life and Legacy,” documentary screening, 6:30 p.m., Colonial Theatre, Belfast

April 8: Hoppily Ever After Romance Book Club reads “Mistakes Were Made” by Lucy Score, 7:30 p.m., Bookspace, Columbia Street, Bangor

Fairs, Festivals, Markets, Outdoors & Misc.

April 2: Timberdoodle Thursday; talk and then nature walk to look for American woodcocks, 7 p.m., Fields Pond Audubon Center, Holden

April 4: Passagassawaukeag River Race, canoe/kayak lineup and packet pickup begins at 8:30 a.m., Savage Road, Waldo

April 4: Hike for the Homeless, annual walking fundraiser for Bangor Area Homeless Shelter, 9 a.m., starts at Bangor Waterfront

Well, folks, we’re here: the final matchup of the March Madness of Maine Characters. I am, quite frankly, shocked that these two characters ended up at the finish line: Joshua Chamberlain, Lion of the Round Top, and Charlotte the Spider, hero of E.B. White’s “Charlotte’s Web.”

I, in my many years of experience with these sorts of things, assumed that we’d end up with Paul Bunyan, Pennywise, Bananas T. Bear, other marquee names in the finale. And while Paul did make it quite far, in the end, the largest character on the list was beaten by the smallest. A true David and Goliath situation, despite the fact that both characters generally seem quite lovely and not belligerent at all.

There’s also something kind of poetic about it, that these two figures advanced. Joshua Chamberlain, a symbol of Maine bravery and valor, anti-slavery, highly educated, compassionate. Charlotte, a character from a beloved children’s book; wise, kind and thoughtful, part of the natural world, whimsical but touching. I like what that says about us.

Now it’s up to you, dear reader, to name the winner in this weeks-long process. It’s been a ton of fun. Let’s do it again next year! Which characters do you think belong on the list, and should get a chance to compete for dominance? Sound off in the comments.